Just Wanna Be An Angel
by Lindelas
Summary: AU-ish for the S9 finale: Castiel isn't the only one who just wants to be an angel.


AN: In which I have clumsily re-written things so that Gadreel lives and Metatron dies. I don't practice enough, so when I do write, its a mess. But even though I can accept the episode how it happened (except for the part about that hateful troll making it out alive), I wanted to satisfy my curiosity to see it the other way. Gadreel had a good end if he had to die, but I liked the character from the start and there's so much potential there that we'll never see. It always seems like once angels start learning about free will and making their own decisions, they die. I'd love to see a few more angels like Castiel, living through their mistakes and choices. figuring out who they are and learning through all the pain and confusion. but we never see that…

I've found its kind of boring when reading episode tags or flashbacks to have to read through a LOT of dialogue you've already experienced. I left some of it, but hopefully its not too redundant.

Anyway, if you read it, first of all, I am sorry for my willy-nilly writing. Second, please tell me what you think? Even if it is critical. I have much to learn. *wink*

–

~Just Wanna Be An Angel~

"When they say my name, perhaps I will not just be the one who let the serpent in. Perhaps I will be known as one of the many who gave Heaven a second chance."

"No, Gadreel, don't!" Hannah cried, lunging toward the cell lock, fumbling it in her haste as she realized what her brother was about to do.

"Run, sister." Gadreel said with the frightening calm of a final decision.

"Gadreel, No!" Castiel shouted, helpless in his cell. He knelt and covered his head. They were too late, and another of his brothers was about to die. Hannah would die too if she didn't move quickly enough. Castiel could have wept at the senseless waste of angelic life that had been far too frequent since the fall.

The lock clicked and Hannah rushed forward, stopping her brother's arms from plunging the stake into his sigil-covered chest just in time. Castiel couldn't see them, but he heard Hannah's shaking voice.

"Please, brother. Enough lives have been lost. I believe you. I will help you."

Gadreel's ragged breaths echoed through the cells. "I was ready to die." he said, unknowingly echoing Sam's words. "I have wanted nothing more than redemption."

"You are redeemed, my friend." Castiel said, slowly rising to his feet again. "And there is still much you can do to help us."

A moment later Hannah appeared at Castiel's cell and unlocked the door. Her demeanor was calm, but Castiel could see the tension in her eyes. Still doubting her choice to trust them, or shaken from Gadreel's almost suicide?

"Thank you, Hannah." Castiel said, meaning more than just the unlocking of the door.

She nodded. "What now?"

"We need to find the tablet."

"Its somewhere in Metatron's office, but no one has seen it." Hannah turned, leading the way down the hall. Castiel followed, pausing long enough to lay a hand on Gadreel's shoulder as he passed. Hannah had healed his chest , but Gadreel's eyes were downcast and he was looking miserable. Nevertheless he followed his brother and sister down the hall.

"He'll be back as soon as the tablet breaks if your friends fail. He's the only one who can come and go from heaven at will." Hannah told them as she slid the door to the lush room open. "And most of our brothers and sisters are still on his side. I do not think I can sway them. They feel betrayed by you, Castiel. They think they can trust Metatron."

"I have an idea about that." Castiel said. "Is the… transmitter still up in here?"

Hannah pointed to the device and Castiel saw the on/off switch on the side. He threw Hannah and Gadreel a small smile. "Gadreel and I are going to find the tablet. Hannah, go back to what you were doing. Pretend nothing has happened, but be ready. You'll know what to do." She nodded again and slipped from the room.

Gadreel's eyebrows were puckered in confusion, but he began searching the room with Castiel.

It was odd. Gadreel had done so much to hurt them. Sam, Dean, the other angels, humanity itself since the garden. But Castiel, despite his initial rage toward the angel, found he had forgiven him even before the moment he had nearly ended himself to save them. He felt a kinship with Gadreel that he didn't feel with the others. Gadreel had made terrible mistakes, and was seeking to redeem himself and find a path that wouldn't do further damage. Castiel knew what it was like to have good intentions and find yourself still making the wrong choices at every turn. Free will was a gnarly, confusing business and angels seemed to have particular struggles with it.

He also knew how much things changed when you had a friend step up beside you to help keep you on the path of truth and show forgiveness when you failed. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be that friend for Gadreel – if he ___could_ be, but at least now, he might have a choice.

"Are we so certain it is in here?" Gadreel threw up his hands in frustration after his third circuit around the room. "He could have it with him."

Castiel frowned, wondering the same thing. His eyes caught Metatron's typewriter and held. Was it… glowing?

"I found it." He said, lifting the top of the writer and feeling the pulsing power beneath his fingers as he took the shining angel tablet from the box. He looked at Gadreel and his brother nodded.

"Do it, Castiel."

Castiel let the tablet slip from his fingers and shatter on the floor.

Thunder rocked heaven and earth. Castiel lost his balance and landed in Metatron's chair while Gadreel was knocked back against the wall.

And then Metatron was there.

"Well done, Castiel," the scribe snarled. "I see you and Gadreel managed to turn some dead enders against me. And the angel tablet, arguably the most powerful instrument in the universe is in pieces. And for what, again? To save Dean Winchester? That was your goal, right? You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately it was all about saving one human."

Gadreel had regained his feet only to have Metatron turn to him, a bloodied angel sword upraised.

___'Saving one human?'_ Castiel shook his head wearily. For all his supposed insight, Metatron had completely missed the point. Yes, Castiel cared deeply for Dean, his closet friend and the man who had taught him so much. He would protect Dean with his last breath. They were brothers in arms and that was a bond Metatron apparently didn't understand. But his failed stab at leadership hadn't been about Dean, or Sam, or himself. It was about freedom and choice, for humans and angels alike. Castiel had learned how dangerous it was for one angel to set himself above the others, and above humans. He had himself caused untold damage to Heaven and earth when he had tried to play 'god' and he could not stand by and watch even worse happen with Metatron.

"Well guess what? he's dead too."

Castiel's head snapped up in disbelief. His eyes moved to Metatron's sword. He hadn't let himself think the blood might belong to his friends, but now he felt tears of shock and denial prick his eyes.

A pair of handcuffs locked themselves around Castiel's hands, pinning him in place.

"You will never get away with this." Castiel said through his teeth.

"Oh please. I already have. You told a silly story to a group of mindless sheep. I'll clean up your mess in an hour."

"You give our brothers and sisters far too little credit. They will soon learn that you have been playing them." Castiel said pointedly.

"What, like Gadreel did?" Metatron sneered, turning his attention to the other angel who had been listening quietly to the whole exchange, watching for an opening. "Heaven's biggest schmuck? Gadreel doesn't know how to make his own choices any better than the rest of them. Don't you get it? They ___need_ someone to follow. They ___need_ someone who knows what's going on to tell them what to do. Why can't you see that? When angels try to think for themselves, all they do is make a mess. Case in point: I gave you a chance for redemption, Gadreel." Metatron flung a hand toward him, flapping it in frustration. "a chance to right all the wrongs of the past and usher in a new era for angels, and men, and this is what you do? You decide to throw it all away. How is that a good choice? Do you really think they will let you live when all of this is finished? That you won't be locked back in your cell the moment your usefulness runs out?" Metraton chuckled humorlessly. "And even if you escape all the angels you've betrayed, if Sam Winchester catches up to you, well… let's not forget how he feels about you."

One of the fists around Castiel's heart loosened. Sam was still alive. But Dean? The blade in Metatron's hand was bloody to the hilt and Metatron was still breathing. He knew his father couldn't hear him, but he found himself praying for his friend anyway. There was nothing he could do right now except carry out his part of the plan.

Castiel watched Gadreel swallow nervously, but felt a swell of pride as the angel stood up straighter. "What you offered me wasn't redemption, Metatron. It was tyranny and betrayal of all that our kind should stand for. In your pride you have set yourself up to be the new god. No angel was ever meant to do such a thing! Have you forgotten Lucifer? We were sent to protect humanity, to watch over them. You only want humanity for the adoration they can give you. Not for what you can learn from them."

He looked at Castiel over Metatron's shoulder. "I have much to learn. But I will learn it among my humble brothers and sisters. And among human kind itself. They have shown me forgiveness and trust. Even the ones I have hurt most, like Sam Winchester. My service to them shall be my redemption."

Castiel smiled, but his joy was short lived as Metatron gave a small shrug and launched the angel sword from his hands toward Gadreel who had been steadily moving closer to Metatron as he talked. Gadreel ducked to the side, but the blade still caught him below the ribs, slashing across his vessel's skin. He landed in a heap against the bookshelf, wrapping his arms around himself.

Castiel pulled at the handcuffs, trying to stand up, but Metatron held up a hand, a small, condescending smile on his face causing fury and helplessness to swirl through Castiel.

"After all this time you still never learned how to tell a good story." Metatron lifted his hand and the angel sword that had struck Gadreel flew into his hand. Gadreel tried to rise and help Castiel, but sank back to the floor with a gasp.

Castiel raised his eyes, suddenly weary and wanting this to be over.

Metatron raised the sword, his eyes glittering with anticipation as he prepared to take out Castiel, the supposed antagonist of his twisted story.

Suddenly Metatron went stiff. Light poured from his eyes and mouth as he slid lifelessly to the floor.

"But you did." Hannah said, dropping the bloodied angel sword on top of the body.

Other angels poured into the room as Hannah freed Castiel from the chair. She looked sad, shaken, but relieved.

"You did the right thing, Hannah."

"Did I, Castiel?" She asked, a very human expression of doubt pouring over her features. "We have all been so blind. How do we ever know if we do right or wrong?"

"We learn." Castiel said simply. We make choices, and learn from what comes of them, good, and bad. That is all we can do."

Her expression lightened a bit and Castiel quickly went to Gadreel, kneeling down beside him.

"he should be locked up!" an angel said. "We wouldn't be in this mess if not for him!"

"He should be ___executed_." another yelled. "He was Metatron's second."

Castiel was grateful for Hannah as she moved behind him, between them and the other angels. "There's been enough bloodshed. If it hadn't been Gadreel, it could have been any of you. Metatron had us all fooled and Gadreel risked his life to help Castiel bring him down. So Castiel will be the one to make any decisions about him. Stand down, please."

Gadreel was barely holding onto consciousness as Castiel looked him over. His hands were covering the wound in his side, but it was glowing with rapidly escaping grace. His breaths got shorter as the angels discussed his fate. Castiel remembered how terrified he had been when Hannah and Ingrid had locked them up.

"Rest easy, brother." Castiel soothed. "We will keep you safe."

"Do not… heal me, Castiel. It will weaken you."

Castiel sighed. He was going to have to come up with something soon or healing Gadreel wouldn't even be on the list of possibilities. With everything else going on, he hadn't devoted a lot of time to his own difficulties.

"Hannah," Castiel called his sister. "He needs help."

Ignoring the other angels' whispers of disapproval, Hannah knelt and placed her hand over Gadreel's wound. His body shuddered once, then stilled as the wound closed.

"You will be weak for a time." She glanced the the angels behind her, milling around the room. "Stay close to Castiel. They are shaken from all that has happened. I fear they may take out their confusion and anger on you."

"Thank you, sister." Gadreel said sincerely. You have saved my life twice now, and I did not deserve it even once."

"We have all made mistakes, Gadreel."

"Not so terrible as mine." Gadreel said ruefully, but a small smile crept to his lips.

Castiel stood up and pulled Gadreel to his feet, still sheltering him from the unfriendly eyes of the other angels. They were angry, frightened, confused, stung from betrayal. Castiel hoped that after some time, they could come to see Gadreel for a wayward brother who was trying his best to make up for his misdeeds, but for now, he wouldn't be leaving him alone with them.

"I have to get back to Sam and Dean." Castiel felt urgency replace his previous weariness. "Metatron said Dean was dead. I have to… I have to get to them."

"It might be too late, Castiel." Hannah said.

Castiel closed his eyes. Metatron was dead, and perhaps now heaven could be reopened. But if they had lost Dean the price was too high.

END


End file.
